This has never happened before, in the history of Coffee Time. I began recording the show a couple days ago, and I had to stop in the middle of it. It wasn’t flowing. I felt blocked. Something was OFF. I felt stuck and stalled and to continue recording felt inauthentic. So 10 minutes in to the recording, I turned off the camera.
My intention that day was to get on Coffee Time to tell you how happy I am. How perfect and beautiful 2018 is and how the pain is over, and the JOY is here! And the reason I couldn’t authentically do that, is because it’s not true. The pain isn’t gone. I have BOTH joy and pain now. I have moments during the day when I’m very happy and joyful, and I have moments when I feel pain and loss and have to just sit and cry. And my freedom and power, is rising from deep within me, because of this acceptance of the pain.
I went back the next day, after accepting this reality, and recorded today’s powerful Coffee Time show, that flowed authentically and freely out of me. Medicine. Release. Power. Vulnerability. It’s a blessing and a curse, that I am not able to hide any of my truth when I’m on this show. I’m either fully vulnerable and authentic, or I don’t record it. I’m so happy to be able to embrace myself in the middle of my authentic journey today and share this raw video with you.
It’s both very HAPPY and very SAD. It’s both! And that’s ok. I’m learning to get comfortable with feeling pain. I’m learning to even be grateful for pain. Because pain and passion are closely linked. Pain and joy are closely connected. When you can allow yourself to feel the pain, you are clearing the way to feel the joy. And there isn’t just one day you wake up, and the pain is all gone. Pain is a part of life. It’s not something to be feared. I can’t tell you what a DEEP joyful freeing release it is, to just hold myself in the middle of my pain, and allow myself to feel whatever I feel, and especially to share it vulnerably today with you.
Today on the show I share a lot of my personal journey . . the overview of my 2 years since Vince and I first separated, all the way to today, when I saw the video of him moving on with his new amazing beautiful partner, Grace.
I am on the journey of a lifetime. I am grateful for this journey of pain that is teaching me so much about myself, about life, about passion. And is ultimately breaking my heart wide open to be able to love and FEEL in ways I could have never imagined possible. Yes, I embrace all of it. Let’s do this together. I LOVE YOU!