This morning I had an uncomfortable conversation at Sprouts that left me feeling like I had betrayed myself. Why did I engage in a conversation that I really didn’t want to have?
It was with one of the employees — a middle-aged guy — and it just caught me off-guard, I guess.
He was a major extravert, and as I was walking towards the tomatoes, he said (really joyfully) in my direction,
“Someone got the tall genes in their family!!”
And FREEZE FRAME: there it was – my split-second choice, the fateful moment that would determine whether I would keep Noelle in tact and at peace, or whether I would disconnect from myself in order to fulfill my illusional obligation to be social.
I had 2 clear options:
1) Just smile, say ‘yep,’ and focus on the tomatoes – giving the obvious signal that I wanna just shop and not chat
2) Respond, therefore inviting an entire conversation
For some IDIOTIC REASON, I chose option #2.
What the #!%^%$#!!
Which of course led into an ENTIRE conversation about music, college, my singing on Pearl St. Mall, his band, his drumming, my songwriting, Brandi Carlisle, my musical style — REALLY??
Did I really just share all of this stuff with a complete stranger just because I didn’t want to reject his offer of conversation? What the heck is wrong with me?!
But ya know, I’m gonna love myself in the middle of it.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling REALLY GOOD,
I forget that I’m an introvert –
that even when I’m feeling super joyful,
I can still be myself:
smile, and be quiet.
Option #1, in that moment would have been the REAL Noelle.
Instead, I shared a bunch of stuff with a stranger, reverted to the ‘obligatory extravert mode’ I grew up with, and felt icky afterwards.
But it’s ok. I can take this as a reminder – a GREAT reminder — of my true personality, my true self. I can remind myself that
BEING FULLY ME
ALWAYS the right choice,
even if that means turning down a conversation with a genuinely nice Sprouts employee.
Can any of you fellow introverts out there relate?