I really am blown away that I’m going to share this with you today. If you had asked me just a few days ago, if I would ever share this with my audience publicly, I would have said, “Absolutely not. That’s for the private depths of my heart alone — no one else should know about this right now.”
But here we are, and I’m about to share my most private thoughts, my most secret heart’s development that only my journal knows about at this point. And WHY am I going to do this? Why do I feel the need to share my most private thoughts with the whole world, when just yesterday I felt shy sharing anything personal with my new hair stylist?
Well, I’ve had an epiphany recently that I am a person who feels most fully alive when I am sharing myself completely transparently with the world. I’ve realized that I feel most fully ME when I expose my heart vulnerably to the world. It’s as if this is my calling, to be insanely vulnerable, in real time. And this is a fine and fairly comfortable calling to have, when everything in my life seems somewhat “together” and stable. But what happens when there’s a development that I KNOW will be judged? What happens when sharing myself means opening myself up to possible criticism from even my most devoted fans? What happens when sharing myself becomes the scariest thing EVER? That’s when having this calling can be challenging and NOT so comfortable.
I had a dark night of the soul a few days ago, when I realized this. My choice became:
1) Go back into hiding because I can’t bear the thought of sharing this publicly right now
2) Just say . . NO. I have to BE ME!!! Let’s jump off the cliff!!
So obviously that’s what I’m doing, because life is way too precious to not be me. And BEING ME means SHINING. I have a destiny of vulnerability, and I embrace that. And because I’ve come to a new level of self-acceptance, I can handle any judgment that comes, because I’m no longer judging myself.
And I’ve also realized that my GOAL is NOT to be a perfect spiritual teacher. What is my goal?
to LIVE. to LOVE. to ENJOY being HUMAN.
Takes the pressure off, doesn’t it?
Suddenly I realize it doesn’t matter if following my heart means falling on my face sometimes, because whether I rise to the top or fall on my face, I’m LIVING. So there’s no failure here in this thing called life. I get to make the rules. And MY RULES say, there are no mistakes. It’s all an adventure.
You’ll have to watch the show today if you want to see me at my most vulnerable.
I love you!
P.S. Do you know of someone who would benefit from this? Please share this with him/her. Let’s encourage each other today.