The snow is falling here in Longmont, Colorado today, as I know it is in many other parts of the country. I can’t contain the deeply joyful, magical feeling that invades me every time I experience the first snowfall of the year. I wish I could capture my emotions on this day and feel this way all the time. It’s been this way for me since I was a little girl growing up in Minnesota. Why the strong emotions? Maybe it’s the fact that it signifies my birthday is coming up soon, maybe it’s that it points to time with family, Thanksgiving, Christmas. I really have no idea why I feel so magical when the snow comes. But it never fails. Suddenly, when I see those flakes falling, I feel like a little girl again. There’s magic and beauty everywhere. I enter a fairy-tale world where anything is possible. I lose my inhibitions with people, I feel free and happy, and connected.
Maybe part of it is that I feel permission to stay inside, to be cozy, to curl up with a book or movie or my journal and just dream. Sometimes the sunny days make me feel pressure to get outside and soak up the day. But when the snow comes? I can stay inside, gaze out at the beauty, and dream away, knowing everyone else is inside too. Words don’t do justice to how enchanting the snow is to me.
The snowfall today makes me think about the seasons in my life, and how as I’ve connected deeply with who I am and stopped striving to be somebody else, I’ve learned to flow with every desire as it comes. I no longer push myself to do something when I don’t feel enthusiastic, excited, or at the very least, deeply peaceful about it.
And I know, the red flag that goes up for people when I say that, is:
“You can’t trust your desires! Sometimes you have to push yourself!”
And I fundamentally, positively, with everything in me, disagree with that; however, here’s the precursor to being able to flow fully with your desires and the natural movement of who you are:
First, you have to let go of EVERYTHING.
And the process of letting go of everything, is not an overnight process.
But wherever you are in your journey of letting go of attachments to things, people, obligations, conclusions, beliefs, etc — you can start today to flow more with your natural rhythms.
You can ask yourself what your heart is telling you, what your body is telling you. Do you need to rest? Or do you need to move? Do you need to cry, or laugh? What season of life are you in today? Once you start asking yourself these questions, and really listening for the answers, you will build a relationship with your inner knowing, and you will start to flow with your energy and desires. It’s a beautiful, easy, effortless, magical way to live.
I no longer push myself to do anything. I don’t have any obligations in my life that I don’t want to have. I have cleared my schedule, my thoughts, my relationships, my attachment to possessions and conclusions.
And so when I ACT, like writing this blog post today, it comes from a deep place of rest and peace and joy. I don’t have any voices of obligation or pressure pushing me to do anything.
Every action I take, whether it’s waiting or resting or doing, comes from desire. And as I listen to this inner knowing and the flow of energy that comes from deep within me, everything works together perfectly. I no longer get sick, or stressed out, or frantic, or pressured. And what’s good for ME, ends up being good for everyone in my life. Life is easy and peaceful and magical.
Here’s a specific example: I love to sing, I AM a singer, and for most of my life worked on singing and viewed it as my main thing. It defined who I was. So along with that conclusion about my identity, came the conclusion about how that would look in my life. I assumed that I should be singing and performing all the time. I saw the way other singers operated, and I assumed I needed to be like them: perform a lot, sing all the time, sit down at the piano everyday and work on songs, etc. So I pushed myself to sing when I didn’t really want to.
But as I started trusting my desires, I noticed that music was not something I naturally wanted to do every day. In fact, I noticed that I only really wanted to sing and perform when I had an exciting event to prepare for, with a specific purpose. And I found that those times when I was excited about singing were very seasonal. They came in chunks, usually about a month or 2 long, and they left just as swiftly as they came.
As I have accepted this, and re-framed how I view music in my life, I have discovered that WRITING is the daily art form that I love. It’s something I naturally do daily, whether I’m sharing in a blog with all of you, or I’m writing in my journal for the pure joy and release it brings me. Writing is my main thing. It was a HUGE mind shift to accept this, when I first saw the reality of it. When you’ve had a conclusion in your brain about your identity your entire life, it’s not an easy thing to let go of it. But the total acceptance of my natural energy and desires is one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. It has released me to be who I am.
And I absolutely still LOVE to sing, whenever the time is right for it. It’s a seasonal, special thing for me to share my music with the world. And now that I can see the truth of that, I no longer push myself to do performances when I don’t really want to. It’s so freeing! No more striving!
So what desires are you ignoring today? What conclusions have you made about how you spend your time, that you could let go of? Are you making decisions with your time based on what YOU really want, or are you choosing based on what others want for you, or based on what you think is the ‘right’ thing to do?
What I’ve learned in my journey towards wholeness, is that the ‘right’ thing is usually the thing that seems too good to be true. I never imagined that I could spend so much of my day writing – writing is so fun and easy for me, it seemed too good to be true to be able to do this all the time. But that’s how life is meant to be! It’s meant to be easy, not difficult!
When we start listening to our own voice of desire (which is fundamentally connected to God), we begin to flow with the natural rhythm of who we are. And as we embrace who we really are, everything magically falls into place, just like the snow.
Photo Credit: Kevin Burkett